Miscellaneous Opinions

I feel I should remind you that this is MY opinion. You may very well not agree with it. Note: This opinion can also apply to things other than personal romantic relationships. It can easily be applied to any relationship or partnership, be it personal or business. This opinion is laid out from a personal point of view, though, so you will have to wade through the dross to get to the gold in this topic.

When a person is single, they often want to be in a relationship. So why is it that when a person is in a relationship, they so often want to be single again? Very likely, it is because they are not partnered with the right person. How does one define the right person, though? There are two points that define the perfect partner.

First of all there is personal taste. If there are one or two qualities about some woman that you absolutely can not stand, then no matter how wonderful the woman is, it will not work out between you, because those little qualities will always get in the way. Note: I am not saying that if she leaves the toilet seat up you should get rid of her (unless you yourself are neurotic, in which case she would probably get rid of you first). What I am talking about are major flaws. For example. Let’s say you run into a woman who makes your jaw drop because of her beauty. Not only that, but when you finally sum up the courage to talk to her, you find that she is a wonderful conversationalist. Wow, she sounds great. Now imagine that this woman thinks there is nothing wrong with putting dirty dishes (yes, I mean unwashed) back in the cupboard. To make matters worse, talking to her about it gets you nowhere because she is not willing to change this behaviour (I admit that this example is a bit contrived). The extreme nature of this problem is gonna get in your way. I don’t mean the dishes, but the attitude related to it. It is going to gnaw at you every time it comes up. Now you might say, “Fine, I’ll do the dishes", but remember. I said that it was not the dishes that were the problem. She will very likely then transfer this behaviour to some other facet. For example, it may get transfered to laundry. She may then leave dirty laundry in heaps on the floor in front of the washer. It may eventually get stuck to the floor so that you have to scrape it off. If cleanliness is important to you, then this woman will not last no matter how many other great qualities she has.

Really, what I am trying to say here is that your personalities AND values MUST match on the bigger issues.

The second side of the partnership coin is individual. Each person that want’s to be part of a relationship is responsible for making the partnership work. Each person has different requirements for the other person. It is the responsibility of that other person to try to understand what those requirements are and try to fulfill them. Obviously, if one or more of the requirements are things that the other person is unwilling or unable to fulfill, then the relationship will suffer, or just not work (depending on the severity of the requirements in question). In a romantically inclined relationship, the two (or more) people involved are not always on an equal footing. Often people outside the relationship feel that one of the people in it are being taken advantage of, but quite often this is simply not true. It is often the case that one person in the relationship has a requirement to be taken care of. This person might get along best with someone whose own requirements might include the need to take care of someone. This may seem a little twisted, but I have seen many very successful relationships that were set up this way to some extent. Now I am not talking about one person dressing up as a baby, etc. That kind of falls under kinky fetishes. Maybe one day I will do an opinion of fetishes.

So, where does that leave us? What is the perfect woman? In my opinion, the perfect woman would be:

• someone who has a high level of independence. I am not a person that needs or wants to look after (teach / raise) my partner. I have two wonderful children that fill that need for me quite thoroughly. She should be able to stand on her own two feet.
• someone that is secure and confidant (not to the point of obnoxious).
• someone who is a little bit reserved. I do not mean three paces behind me and one pace to the left, just not someone who is a complete giggle-puss or who needs to always be the center of attention. In my experience, a giggle-puss has always meant that the person is insecure, and insecure leads back to me having to look after (teach / raise) her.
• someone who has a killer sense of humour (or is the right term “wickedly sharp"?). I don’t mean that she should tell stupid jokes all the time. I mean that she should be able to figure out what would make you laugh, whether or not it has meaning outside the current conversation.
• someone who has common sense and a pretty good intellect. I’m not talking rocket scientist here, just someone to whom I don’t have to explain every little thing three times.
• someone who has a bit of a sense of nurturing, but not so much that she is looking after me. The reverse is just as appalling to me.
• someone who is not necessarily model gorgeous or model skinny, but cares about her appearance. I would choose a fat ugly person that took good care of herself and made sure she was appropriately dressed and practiced good hygiene over a super model who was smelly and had her shirt hanging out all the time. (Please pardon the harsh example).
• someone who is a little geeky herself (I don’t mean Spock ears).

I guess what I am trying to say is that when you want to hook up with someone, don’t go only for her great looks. Look under the hood and make sure she is someone you can really live WITH. Remember, partnership means that your in it together, so find out as early as possible in the relationship if there are going to be insurmountable problems.